It's Just the Guys

Deborah Willis

If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must be willing to make a few sacrifices to invest in your happy future with the woman of your dreams. You simply cannot continue to live the happy-go-lucky life of the single guy and expect to make your partnership with a woman succeed. It just doesn't work that way.

Solid relationships take hard work, not just in the beginning, but throughout your entire life together. Building a solid, long-term relationship also means making a few sacrifices along the way. Ask yourself what is most important to you. If your relationship with your lady is the most important thing...then you may have to give up certain other aspects of your life to maintain that relationship and keep it on solid ground.

If you've been "going out with the guys" for a few beers after work on Friday evenings and have no real intention of giving up your night out... I'll be quite frank with you. It's going to take a very, very special woman who will put up with that for long. She may tell you in the beginning she doesn't mind, and if you are home at a reasonable hour, you might just be able to pull it off and keep her happy as well. But don't count on it.

It may all be very innocent in your mind and you can protest profusely, "But I'm just out with the guys. It's not like I'm being unfaithful to her or anything." But you are, at least in her mind...in subtle ways the male brain usually cannot understand.

We all know that one beer sometimes leads to another and to another and to another. If you can limit yourself and return home to your lady early in the evening, perhaps you will never have any problems with her over your "night out with the guys" ritual.

But sooner or later, the time may come when, before you know it, it's midnight and your lady has been home alone all night long. How long would you stay at home alone every Friday night waiting on her if she was the one out with her friends? Not for long, I'll bet. So ask yourself, is it really fair of you to expect her to sit at home alone while you're out on the town without her? Think about that and be honest with yourself. What would you be thinking and feeling if the tables were turned? More importantly, what would you do about it?

Women, because of their colonial relationship to men, have to fight for their own independence. This fight for our own independence will lead to the growth and development of the revolutionary movement in this country. Only the independent woman can be truly effective in the larger revolutionary struggle.
—Women’s Liberation Workshop, Students for a Democratic Society, Radical political/social activist organization. “Liberation of Women,” in New Left Notes (July 10, 1967)

What do guys do when they're out together? Talk about sports? Maybe. But they look at girls too, right? You may not even talk to another woman while you're out with your male friends. You may not even come within ten feet of another woman, but you're still looking, right? Of course you are. What man doesn't look? And all women know this.

There is no harm in "just looking". But if you're checking the girls out, you can bet there are girls who are checking you out as well. It's the name of the game. Sooner or later, after so much alcohol has been consumed, you'll let your guard down. Someone may strike up a conversation. It may not even be you. It may be one of those girls who's been checking you out or a girl who sees you in the club at the same time every week.

Women know how to play a man. Men don't always let their brain do the thinking, especially after a few drinks and a clever woman knows this. Suddenly, your girl at home isn't even in your thoughts anymore. You're thinking only of the hot little number standing next to you in a bar and smells, oh, so good and is smiling up at you so sweetly. Next thing you know, she's pulling you out on the dance floor or snuggling up to you. Can you see where all this may be leading?

OK, OK...so you still go home to your lady who's waiting so patiently. But now your mind is on the girl you left behind in the club and you're thinking of what might have been. Even though you haven't been physically unfaithful to your partner, you may already have committed adultery in your mind.

But nothing happened, you protest. Maybe not this time and maybe even not next time. But the seed has been planted. And your woman knows this. She knows intuitively and senses the subtle changes which have occurred in your relationship. She may smell the lingering scent of perfume and she knows that scent wouldn't be there unless you were having physical contact with someone else.

Even without the telltale scent of another woman, no matter how cleverly you may think you're hiding your thoughts, you can't keep your lady from sensing something has changed. She may not tell you, but now her mind is working overtime and she's thinking things over. She may not behave as if anything is different between the two of you, but deep inside her she knows something has changed.

Before you know it, she's accusing you of infidelity because she senses it and sees all the signs of it. It doesn't matter if it really happened or not. The point is, you've subconsciously given her some subtle sign that, for one brief moment, your thoughts were on another woman and now she has reason to doubt you...especially if she detected the scent of strange perfume on your shirt. That alone is all the reason she needs to be suspicious.

One of your biggest jobs as a parent of multiples is no bigger than simply talking to your children individually and requiring that they respond to you individually as well. The benefits of this kind of communication can be enormous, in terms of the relationship you develop with each child, in terms of their language development, and eventually in terms of their sense of individuality, too.
—Pamela Patrick Novotny (20th century)

An occasional night out with the guys will usually not make a huge difference in your relationship, particularly if your lady is open-minded and understanding that you need your time with the guys. But if you tell her, in so many words, that you are going to continue going out with the guys on a regular basis whether she likes it or not, she's simply going to think she's not very important to you and other things in your life will take precedence over your relationship with her. That is not a good seed to plant in her mind if you want to have a long-term relationship with her.

Most women don't want to control your life or take over your life completely. After all, she needs her time away from you as well. She does, however, want to be the center of your life and more important to you than anything else. If you regularly show her she's your first priority, it goes a long way toward building a strong, healthy, trusting relationship with her. By never giving her reason to feel insecure in the relationship and proving to her you love her more than anything or anyone else, she will never have any reason not to trust you and the love you share will become even stronger.

About the Author

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Deborah Willis is the author of ATTRACT WOMEN -- The Average Man's Guide to Attracting, Dating, Loving, and Maintaining Relationships with Women. For more insight into how the female mind works, visit http://moonshadowmarketing.com/attractwomen.htm

This article may be freely reprinted as long as the article resource is left intact and there is a live link to the author's web site.